belated update

Well as DG wrote, I have been away. Visiting family over the bank holiday weekend again, and again forgot to take my password for wordpress with me! Not sure I would have had the chance to get anything on here even I had though.

Where do I start then? Well, as I wrote we took our last pill Sunday 29th, and went for our baseline scans Wednesday 2nd May. Neither of us had any bleeding at this point and we were a little concerned this would have a knock-on effect on all our treatment dates.

My scan was first. Everything looking as it should. My lining was very thin but, would be unlikely to build whatever the situation as this is the main effect of having the coil fitted. Both ovaries showed some small follicles ready to develop without looking too hard for them. This has again led them to think I will produce a lot of eggs.

Next up was DG. Her first chance to wear a sexy paper toga! Her lining was thicker than they were happy to start with, but they saw no reason why she wouldn’t start to have a small bleed pretty imminently so booked another scan in for Friday 4th in the hope things would be ready then.

The the drugs came out. A cute little lime green rucksack-full which little E immediately had her eye on. We went through everything step by step, and I tried to listen even though I could feel my stomach turning and my face getting hot. With both dg regularly taking her bloodthinners, and another close friend recently gone through ivf herself I had convinced myself this was something I could face (or I wouldn’t have made the offer in the first place). So, I took in all the information I could to make things easier when the time came.

The nurse left us to discuss the treatment and drug options with MrR, and returned with their decision. If DG, bled in the next 24 hours or so, chances were that the scan would show us fine to start injections on the Friday as planned. And, as they expected me to react very well to stimulation they saw no reason why this would effect the dates we had already planned around. They want to scan me slightly earlier than normal. After 5 days of stims instead of 7. This means the scan tomorrow (Wednesday 9th) still stands.

My drugs are – Suprecur 0.3 ml subcutaneous injections daily (from Fri 4th) and for Stimulation, 150 iu of Puregon daily by subcutaneous injection pen. This is the lowest amount of stimulation they prescribe, and will be reviewed later if they feel it is necessary.

All went well the next day when I woke to a little spotting. As I knew DG had been on exactly the same drugs for the same amount of time there was a good chance she would also start spotting. And, later in the day I was right. Neither of us recalls being so happy over a bit of blood in someone’s knickers!

Her scan the next day meant the first time she had been to the clinic alone. Felt a bit odd for the pair of us I think. Her lining was thinning but wasn’t quite at a level for them to give her the green light on starting her estrogen tablets. They decided I could still start injections that night as planned, and DG would start her tablets Sunday night.

All systems go!

Packing the car to visit family, I repeatedly made sure all my drugs were in the car as I knew DH wouldn’t be impressed if made to drive several hours back down the motorway.

That night at 8 o’clock I started to prepare everything. I was confident I could do what was needed. Charged my puregon pen and dialled up the dose, put my suprecur syringe together and drew up the correct dose. DH and brother-in-law were putting the kids to bed, and all other family members were at the cinema, so I had a few moments of peace to get things done.

I grabbed an inch or two at my middle, held the needle in my hand, and … nothing. My hand wouldn’t move any nearer to my belly. I thought ‘this is daft’ so tried again and just couldn’t do it. I could feel the anxiety starting to rise so put the needle cap back on, put the syringe to one side and waited for dh to come down and give me a bit of support.

He came downstairs, saw I hadn’t got anywhere, so gave me a hug and asked if I was ready to try again. At this point I still wanted to try myself. But, it still wasn’t happening. That was when the tears first started. Only a little, but I was upset I couldn’t do something so simple that HAD to be done. We put the needle down again, and went and made a cup of tea. On return DH offered to give it a try, but each time he tried I would stop him and check something, and twice when he was just moving the needle around to look at it while I explained exactly what he had to do I flinched. And then I really burst into tears. It was full on sobbing time.

I knew I had a problem with needles before any of this started. I have got better over the years, and can go get a blood test on my own without too many nail marks in furniture or threatening to punch anyone. And to DG reading this, don’t worry, I’m a big girl and knew what I was agreeing to, and whatever the outcome I know it is all absolutely worth it. I’m writing this all here so if someone else finds themself in the same situation they know they are not alone. You can get over it, as I’ll explain in a moment but not everybody finds this side of things easy, and its something you need to address if thats the case.

Anyway, back to Friday night. With the kids in bed we decided to drive round Chester looking for a chemist still open to get some EMLA cream (local anaesthetic, or ‘magic’ cream). At this point I wasn’t even sure that would make a difference but it gave us something constructive to do. We first arrived in Sainsbury’s. I was so upset I couldn’t even get the words out. So, when DH asked for me, and the pharmacist replied they had none in stock, I burst into tears again. Yes I truly felt stupid then, crying in the middle of Sainsbury’s! Thankfully she didn’t think I was daft at all as she dislikes needles herself and offered to ring round other chemists to see who had some in stock.

So, off to Asda we go. The guy behind the counter there didn’t actually seem to have a clue what he was talking about but, he had a small tube of EMLA so i didn’t care. He didn’t have the clear dressings that go with it though (in fact he tried to give me some wadding to cover it up that would have just soaked it all up!) so we traipsed round the aisles to find some clingfilm and medical tape. With magic cream in hand, we then also went to find some chocolate and peruse barbecue to take my mind off things.

In the car park outside I slapped on the cream and made my makeshift dressing. It was now 9.15pm , and the cream had to be on for at least an hour. I hadn’t intended for my injections to be quite so late but wer’e a pair of night owls so it wasn’t too much of an issue.

10.15pm we went and hid in sister-in-law’s kitchen. Initially I tried again myself, but wasn’t convinced the area was numb. I could even face slightly pricking the skin to check so DH offered to get a fork. Followed by two minutes of stomach stabbing with said fork! It worked though and I was convince of my stomach’s numbness. Took some deep breaths, and went for dh doing the injections while I held the ‘inch’ i wanted stabbing and looked the other way. The first words that came out of my mouth once the needle had gone in here ‘It didn’t hurt!’. The puregon pen after was equally successful, even though that did still sting after. We had done it!

The following night we had a new challenge. Out for a meal in a large packed restaurant! At nine, I disappeared to the loo to do my cream, and at 10 we snuck off to a thankfully fairly secluded bar area. We got on with things much quicker this time. Best way to do it I think. I definitely stress more over time. Various staff members were giving us funny looks and then pretended they hadn’t seen anything as we walked back to out table. I don’t think they liked to ask! lol. I still felt a little shaky, but we held hands under the table and continued our meal.

DH has repeatedly told me how proud he is of me. Initially sounding like he was congratulating a small child but I know he is sincere. I know when I first explained to him my issues when we first met he didn’t realise how severe it was until he saw things first hand. So being one of the few people that has seen me that upset he knows what a big deal this is for me to do. (Promise its definitely worth it though DG!)

The third night and again things went smoothly. This time we went for a new location. A service station ont he way home, with both little monsters looking on! As T has recently had his school booster jabs he didn’t even ask what I was having an injection for and offered me a strawberry chewit afterwards for being a good brave girl! He got a big hug for that one!

That brings me to the final set of jabs last night. Not so great but again we got through it. I didn’t feel my stomach felt as numb as before but could deal with that. The main issue was that the puregon pen didn’t have enough in the cartridge to finish the dose, so we had to stop, change the cartridge and needle, and do a third jab. I have a time limit to holding back the panic so the added time didn’t help things, and the extra soreness after didn’t cheer me up either. It was done though, another day down! I even momentarily considered a chart on the wall to cross off days. But, I know each jab is one step closer.

So now we just wait until tomorrow and see what my follicles are up to. On the upside I haven’t turned into a raging hormonal monster yet, or a big bloater. I’m sure that fun is yet to come!