Hope you weren’t holding your breath

I said I’d come back and update, and then I didn’t. How naughty is that?

Main reason though is that I have nothing to update you with. If you’ve been keeping up with dg’s blog you’ll see that no results are in. The section of the hospital doing the tests apparently has no fax and only gives results by post not phone. So we’re waiting on a letter.

Shall we all twiddle our thumbs together? dum dee dum dee dum….

Another day, another post

OK, so today I’m less annoyed but as usual there are things to be getting on with.

We were all set to go for our counselling appointments this coming Tuesday which works out very well for us both. DG has taken the day off work, and it happened to time with my dh being away on a course for 2 nights so dg was going to stay over on the Monday night making the Tuesday morning rush to get little people ready, and one to nursery then the long drive to the clinic much easier.

An email yesterday though and all has changed. Can we make it another day? Hmmmm. So now we are booked in for March 6th. Apparently its very difficult for the counsellor to books two appointments together. I’m not entirely sure why. We weren’t in a huge hurry and asked for what date was best for her originally to do this. But, who are we to argue. A bit of reshuffling and we’ll be there.

Anyway. Mr dg’s test result should hopefully be known this afternoon, meaning we’ll be closer to that YES we both want to hear, so will updaet later if and when the news comes in.

I’m annoyed

I made sure I made the call to my gp surgery today to see if they would be very kind and do the other screening tests I need for my egg donation. I initially went for a chat a few months ago when we thought I needed a letter of referral and they surprised me by happily doing a blood form, but as it was a surprise I could only reel off the tests I could remember at the time, meaning when we later looked at the list most were covered but karyotyping, cystic fibrosis and a swab still needed to be done.

As we found these were the most expensive tests I thought it was definitely worth a try to see if they would help again thus saving dg some much needed pennies. On the phone I was told I needed to come in to chat about it. Fair enough. They’d said this the first time about the referral letter and it only turned out to be a 2 minute appointment. The surgery is a half hour walk though and with two little people in tow I was very pleased when dh said he could be home in time to give me a lift.

I was called in to my appointment to be greeted by a new female GP I’ve not met before. I explained the situation and in two seconds she turned me down flat. For anyone not reading this in the UK you might not be entirely aware of how much a postcode lottery IVF treatment is here. The amount of treatment cycles you are entitled to varies from county to county, ranging from 3 to none. And, no matter where you live the answer is none if either member of a couple has a child. So my tests for somebody else to undertake treatment privately were a no apparently.

I didn’t realise I was annoyed until afterwards to be honest. When she realised the treatment wasn’t happening on an NHS cycle she looked at me as though I’d come in saying I was having a boob job and could I have some free tests please!

I think it bugged me more, because if our little miracle lady hadn’t arrived when she did, we knew we were unable to have the required IVF/ICSI treatment funded because we already had a child. Fair enough we were blessed, but until you are in that situation you don’t know the pain. For anyone suffering infertility in any form it hurts, and it hurts like hell. And thats whether you have never fallen pregnant at all, whether you have and then gone on to miscarry a child, or whether a second or third child is more difficult to conceive. I sometimes feel that people feel their situation is the most painful. As if someone who already has a child is greedy and doesn’t have the right to feel a loss when they can’t carry a baby again.

I know for me in some ways I felt it hurt more. It hurt because I knew what I was missing. I knew what it felt like to have a child grow inside me, and blindly assumed it would happen again, so to be told I would never have that again, I wished so hard I had appreciated every second of pregnancy more. Even the crappy bits!

dg posted this on her blog and it certainly fits.

Getting to know more people affected by infertility I’ve come to realise no-one’s situation really hurts any more or less, it just hurts different. I’ve gone off on a tangent though. The point of this post… NHS and mrs snotty doctor, I’m annoyed!

One of those weeks

Why does bad luck always come in a run? For once, I’m not actually on a bad run but others seem to be.

An email from my friend today has told me that no, her first cycle of ivf was not successful. I know the odds aren’t great on your first try, but I was so hoping it would be good news.She’s quite upbeat really. Has made sure she has work and holiday plans to be getting on with, but it must still be hurting.

And now its seems two of dg’s friends have miscarried.

Once through the bad luck though I think the good usually catches up. So I’ll be listening out for lots of happier stories. Spring is here, rebirth and all that. I hope it catches on soon

Mr dg’s results are not yet in, possiblythis afternoon, most probably tomorrow afternoon.

How much of life to we spend waiting? I dread to think

Waiting game

While we wait on Mr dg’s test results and then an answer from the friendly clinic a friend of mine is playing another waiting game. She’s nearing the end of her own 2 week wait.

She’s crossed my mind a lot this week. I’m very blessed that I never had to go through this myself, although in a few months time when its dg’s 2 weeks of not knowing I think we’ll all be biting our nails to the wrist.

I shall return when there is more news on either story…

she’s got me rattling

With vitamins that is. Yes, I’ve gotta start making sure these eggs are of tip top quality so dg has brought round lots of vitamins for me to take. They remind me of ones I’ve had before, the horse tablet variety! lol. Well so long as they work I think I’ll survive. Would be gutting to go through all this and find my eggs weren’t as good as they could be.

She took the little men, C and T out for the day, for C’s birthday treat today. It meant dh and I could get on with another coat of magnolia paint on our crappy walls. You just knew my life was glamorous didn’t you! It was very nice to have a few hours to ourselves actually, as dh has switched from shifts to office hours, so is never here when T is at nursery. Obviously, E was here, but she has nice long naps in the day.

ps. I’m a naughty girl and didn’t get back from town in time to ring the doctors on Friday to see if they’d do other tests on the nhs for us. I will give them a call though. I will…

Hurrah!

Ok, so its totally off on a tangent but my little lady just took her first proper steps! Four of them!

Its definitely moments like this that mean I have never thought twice about the whole egg donation thing. If there was some way I could get all my eggs out and help every couple waiting for donors I absolutely would. But then again that could possibly cause some real big ears and banjo moments in the future with far too many people going round with half my dna! So as much as dh would happily ship me off to some egg making farm to make some cash (he’s a funny boy who has to feed his gadget addiction somehow!) best stick to the original plan

Mr postman

Well, another day and he didn’t bring me a letter DG was at work so I duly sent a text to let her know we hadn’t been blessed by the post fairy. So, as we were both getting a little anxious to know what was going on a rally of emails and a phone call later we found out that letters had definitely been sent out to us both, but both to dg’s address. Good job we’re seeing each other this weekend anyway. We live miles apart so at any other time it would mean her putting the letter back in the post to me which seems a bit daft.

It seems we’re still not really any nearer an answer. Mr DG has to go get himself another blood test to show that Hepatitis is not ‘live’ in his system. Then MrR will make contact with the HFEA and find their views on our being treated at his clinic on the premise that he is not infectious.

So, more sitting and waiting for now. Hopefully in a week or so we can get back to MrR with some test results and he can get on with finding some answers.

On the plus side , he did say apart from this issue he saw no problems with the planned treatment, and we could in fact have everything up to the egg collection and transfer performed there. Although they’re possibly the scariest bits.

Tomorrow, I need to make a call to my own gp while dh is off for the day, and see if they’ll let me have my final tests done via them. I still need karyotyping, cystic fibrosis and a high vaginal swab. I’ve already had the all clear on the other long list: hep a, b, c, hiv, rubella immune, cmv-, blood count fine, fsh @ 3.9 and probably others but my memory fails me on what I’ve had already so I’ll just focus  on sorting the others that need doing tomorrow.

The two bloods that need doing are the most expensive, so I’m hoping its a yes and more pennies are saved.

No news is…

…hopefully good news, but we still have to wait and see.

Both eager to find out if the friendly clinic will have us, dg gave them a call yesterday to see if there was an update. Nice nurse wasn’t around but receptionist thought a letter was on its way out to us and would chase up. So, this morning I waited on the mail, but sadly, a handful of junk, a new pin number and a fixed mobile phone but no news from the clinic!

Unless I speak to dg later and she has magically got more info, it looks like we have to wait another day. I know there’s worse things in the world but with dg feeling particularly down at the moment after her latest miscarriage it would really help if we knew we had something definite to work towards

Day one of the blog…

My first attempt at writing a blog on this subject recently crashed and burned. On another blogging site I spent an hour pouring my little heart out about our first visit to the clinic, saved to continue later in the day. Came back to find the site had only saved the title! All my text gone! I won’t name and shame, but that was nearly the end of the road for me and blogging.

Today though, dg made the move from said site to here mainly for more functionality to her page. And, upon finding out we could link up pages, giving people both sides of the story I decided to try again.

My intention really is to document clinic visits, tests, results, etc along the way so I have something to look back on when my seive-like brain is acting up, but also to try and pop on on inbetween days and just put some of the random thoughts that generally come up about the process. Hopefully, if more people are aware of the what is involved in egg donation and the thoughts it can bring up they will be inclined to go ahead and donate themselves giving more couples hope.

Latest news is that we are waiting to hear if the clinic we have set our hearts on will let us have treatment there. Its quite a crucial time really. If we get the thumbs up we can really feel like things are moving and get on with all the planning that will make time move quicker. If not, I think we’ll both have a few worries about whether we like another clinic and consultant as much as this one.